I was recently confronted by one family member whom I have had to separate myself from for many reasons. But the main reason is hurt.
Continually having my feelings hurt by things they have said to my face and behind my back. People who are closest to me and have used some of the most painful parts of my life as a weapon with their words. People who hurt me by the things they do in their own life that I do not agree with, which in turn hurts my heart because I cannot do anything to help them. And I have been mocked and laughed at when I have poured out my heart to them to gain understanding….which has churned anger inside of me. Let me say now that I do not claim perfection by any means at all. I am one of the most flawed and imperfect people you will ever meet. I have my demons just like the rest of you. I have done things in my past I am not proud of, embarrassed of and some I wish to God I could just forget. The only difference now is that I am making an effort to change…improve…and be the best version of myself that I can be. This includes forgiving myself, forgiving others and the most important part…moving on.
I shared a post with you guys a while back about how I am trying to find more peace in my life through meditation and other forms of inspiration. You’ve read my work so you know I am consumed with thoughts of death due to losing the most important people in my life and writing has been my therapy. But I decided that I needed to come to terms with the fact that we are all going to die and for me, I want to be able to go while I am at peace in my heart and mind, rather than in conflict and under stress…in hopes that my spirit will go on in peace as well. For this to happen, I had to make some changes and it included removing things and people from my life that caused me to feel anger and hurt. As hard as it was, that meant ‘family’ as well.
I found this post, which speaks my feelings on the subject and I want to share it with you:
(Excerpt from: pickthebrain.com)
How to detox negative people from your life:
Decide that you’re worth it
You need to feel as if you’re worthy of achieving your goals and changing into the person you want to be. Letting go of any negativity in your life will help you get there faster.
Think about the negative side effects of holding onto these relationships. Ask yourself:
What effect are these relationships having on my life?
Identify the toxic people
Toxic people make you feel worse than when you started talking to them. They bring your energy level down. They leave you feeling bummed out. Notice how your body feels after talking to them, particularly your chest and stomach which are areas where most of us carry stress and anxiety.
There is a difference between someone sharing with you their struggles/challenges versus someone who constantly complains.
Toxic people shoot down your ideas. They always question what you’re doing. They may say something like, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t change careers because you have so much job security here. What about your benefits? Or your retirement?” This is pretty common and sometimes subtle and harder to notice. Even though it may sound like they’re giving you advice, in the end they’re just putting more doubts into your head because your actions may bring up their own fears and insecurity.
Toxic people can fall within the spectrum of being subtly draining to all around toxic and poisonous. Even if they fall on the less severe end of the spectrum, it’s important to identify this and work towards letting them go as they will still affect you negatively.
Let them go
Just start. Use whatever method you think is appropriate. Avoid them. Don’t pick up their calls. Apologize for being distant but know that you do not need to explain why or defend your actions.
Avoid explanation because they are probably in a state of mind where they are not open to listening. They may take it personally that you are letting them go, and will probably get on the defensive if you try to justify your reasons.
Do it gracefully and with love. Send them off with love and a prayer. Be open to the possibility that if and when they are ready to change and be more positive/supportive, then you would be open to rekindling the relationship.
Don’t feel guilty
Again, you are worth it. You must be your own BEST FRIEND. If you don’t take charge of your life and well-being, nobody will do it for you!
You are not abandoning them even though you may feel like that. There is a distinction between abandoning someone and letting them go so they can find their own way. If you’ve already tried giving them advice, encouragement, or even a wake-up call and nothing happened, then no amount of wise words from you will change their thinking or behavior.
It’s not your obligation to keep these people in your life regardless of the relationship. Whatever the reason, people grow and change and it’s normal for relationships to evolve, or dissolve.
Bring in the positivity!
Surround yourself with positive people. (Source: PicktheBrain.com)
So what are your thoughts on forgiveness and moving on? Is it possible to separate yourself from people who interfere with your peace…even if it’s the ones closest to you? Is it right? Is it wrong? This is a judgement free open discussion. Let’s talk…
- Forgiveness = Freedom (dentreciablanchette.com)
- To Forgive or Not to Forgive? (omtimes.com)
- Loving is leaving too: Tips on letting go (seefancylove.wordpress.com)
- Why Forgiveness Is Not About THEM (healthymindonline.com)
- Weeding out Toxic Relationships (inspirethemblog.wordpress.com)
- Forgive and Forget (iammsdadrian.wordpress.com)